Guest Video: Self-Care with Jennifer Lee

We're super duper thrilled to welcome Jennifer Lee (bio below) to Spring! We knew how much Jennifer values self-care, and she puts her money where her mouth is by recording the start of this video in her hammock! She is so my new hero.  Enjoy!

 

Jennifer Lee, of Artizen Coaching, is a certified coach, author, and artist who believes in living life in full color. She blogs at  Life Unfolds and she inspires creative entrepreneurs to bring their visions to life with the Right-Brain Business Plan. When she's not coaching, writing, or leading groups, she can be found painting up a storm, reading in her hammock, indulging in a mid-day nap, practicing yoga, or hanging out with her hubby and their adorable beagle mix.



Guest Post: Without Condition

During the month of July, I’ve been writing for Spring about self care with regard to our bodies and weight.

I’ve written about accepting what we perceive as our flaws – celebrating those bumps, curves, speckles and scars that we’d otherwise wish away. Our bodies are perfect only in their guaranteed imperfection.

I’ve encouraged letting ourselves off the hook about being nutrition experts and gym rats. Being active is great, but you’re not getting into heaven because you run five times a week and nobody cares how many crunches you can do. I needed the soapbox for that one.

And last, but never least, I’ve talked about how we are each uniquely suited to embrace the body we’ve been given, no matter the challenges it may bring us.

So when I sat down a few days ago to write my fourth and final column about loving our bods instead of beating them up, I realized that my entire philosophy on the subject boils down to one idea: Confidence.

At 265 pounds and wearing a size 24 pants, I was confident about no more than a handful of my personality traits. I knew I was smart and funny, I knew I could string together some words on a page. I knew I was a good friend and a hearty eater.

…But those pretty much exhausted my list. I hated my body, my lifestyle choices, my failures. And I would have been hard pressed to come up with more pluses. Good speller? Lover of cats? Could drive?

Buried beneath all that weight and pain was a young woman with an untapped reserve of delightful traits. But I possessed none of the confidence to allow them to rise to the surface. That put me miles away from accepting my own flaws or embracing my unique blah blah whatever the hell.

Losing 115 pounds isn’t what made me confident. What ultimately changed me was realizing I would never be perfect, realizing I’d always be a wonderfully messy work in progress. It was then that I chose to be proud of who I am without condition.

I say “chose” because it was a choice. I decided to trust that being confident (even when I wasn’t feeling it) would serve me better than feeling bad about myself all the time.

I had to make an active decision to turn off the nasty critic that plagued my every move. She sat smugly inside my head sipping bitter coffee and reading the Wall Street Journal over her half moon spectacles.

“Nice thighs. Look at your arms. You can’t wear dresses like that. You love to eat, that’s your problem. Why won’t you workout more often? You need to lose 20 pounds by the fall. You gained two pounds last week. You ate pizza all weekend! You’ll never do this.”

What a witch.

Replacing that critic with unconditional confidence was a process, but it has now served me so well that I wonder how I ever got by without it.

Perhaps confident self love could be perceived by a less secure person as arrogance, but I can promise you it’s nothing close. I am a wellspring of flaws and they humble me daily. But I choose to forgive myself for being human.

Having confidence in who I am physically and in the choices I make for my health brings me so much more peace than spending my time always wishing things were different, “starting over” every day, hoping I’ll try harder tomorrow, and dwelling in the minutia of how many miles run, how many pounds gained or lost, how my butt looks in those shorts.

Self care is about being confident in who you are today, without condition. If you don’t step up to the plate and decide that you’re good enough, why should anyone else? We teach people how to treat us.

Instead of teaching people that you’re too fat, too thin, too old, too unmotivated, or any of the rest of that critical noise, teach people how lovely you truly are, without condition.

Jen Curran is a writer, comedienne, and baker living in Brooklyn, NY. Jen recently quit her "boring desk job" at a law firm to pursue what makes her happiest, and she chronicles the inspiring, messy, colorful journey on her popular blog "follow my bliss." Besides spending her time as a freelance writer, Jen also owns the boutique wholesale bakery, Fanny & Jane, she's a member of the award-winning sketch comedy group, Harvard Sailing Team, and she performs improv comedy at The PIT in NYC. She draws inspiration from her two zen cats, her talented, supportive boyfriend, her big, boisterous family, and from a sincere belief that anything we put our minds to becomes instantly possible.

Guest Post: A Lesser Person Couldn't

I remember catching an Oprah episode a few years ago that featured a woman who’d had to have both of her breasts removed.

Yeah, heavy stuff.

I don’t recall many of the specifics surrounding the story (my brain tends not to work that way), but luckily they’re not essential to my point.

I do remember that Oprah invited a therapist onto the show to help the woman process the experience. Dealing with her situation as best as she could, she still struggled from time to time to accept herself, as any woman would. She expressed sadness and shame at losing such a huge aspect of her femininity, at feeling envious of other women who could still fill out their bras.

She cried a little, Oprah consoled her with some of her isms. It was run of the mill.

But then the therapist told her something I’ll never forget. She said, “A lesser woman would not be able to handle this experience. Whatever you believe in your life, please know that you’re going through this because you’re capable of dealing with it. A lesser woman could not handle the hand you’ve been dealt.”

I couldn’t help but tear up when I heard that. After breast reduction surgery and major weight loss in my early twenties, my body is far from unscathed. And for years I’ve had to work to accept my scars and battle a nagging “Why me?” voice that wishes things could have been different.

But when I saw that Oprah show and heard that therapist’s point of view– a lesser woman couldn’t get through what you’ve gotten through – I knew it was true for me too. I’ve certainly had my moments of being challenged by my situation, but I’ve always faced it bravely and with a desire to love myself through the process.

Perhaps the very act of being handed a difficult path in life makes you instantly stronger. But regardless, I began to understand that I bear the scars of my surgery and my weight loss because…well…because I can. Because I am strong enough to handle it.

Caring for yourself when it comes to your body means loving your physical self without condition. And learning to love your body without condition means believing that whatever you’ve been dealt is uniquely yours because you’re uniquely qualified to handle it.

Whether you’ve got a strange scar on your face or misshapen boobs, whether you think you’re too tall and lanky, or too short and stocky, whether you’ve battled illness or a body that won’t cooperate, love yourself enough to believe that you are capable of playing your own cards.

A lesser person couldn’t.

Jen Curran is a writer, comedienne, and baker living in Brooklyn, NY. Jen recently quit her "boring desk job" at a law firm to pursue what makes her happiest, and she chronicles the inspiring, messy, colorful journey on her popular blog "follow my bliss." Besides spending her time as a freelance writer, Jen also owns the boutique wholesale bakery, Fanny & Jane, she's a member of the award-winning sketch comedy group, Harvard Sailing Team, and she performs improv comedy at The PIT in NYC. She draws inspiration from her two zen cats, her talented, supportive boyfriend, her big, boisterous family, and from a sincere belief that anything we put our minds to becomes instantly possible.

Guest Post: 3 Reasons to Skip the Gym

There's nothing wrong with being a motivated gym-goer. And this is not an essay against working out. We all know the benefits of formal exercise and the gym is a fine place to get yours. 

But I'd like to propose that hitting the fitness center isn't always the best thing you can do to care for yourself or love your body. 

I love exercise - I grew a deep respect for and trust in the process of moving the ol' bod when I was working to lose over 100 pounds in my early twenties. 

Still, I've recently begun to analyze my once 5-day-a-week relationship with the gym, wondering if it really made me happier and healthier, or if I was just doing what I thought I was supposed to do. 

Imagine explaining to someone from the Frontier Era, for instance, what a gym is and what exactly happens there. The next time you're working away on the stair master or the stationary bike, stop and think for a moment about how fundamentally silly it is that we, as modern humans, travel to a communal building, pay to enter, and then we climb onto big, electronic machines that exercise our bodies for us. These giant, hulking pieces of plastic and metal run us like gerbils because we can't find the time or space in our day to day lives to burn the energy any other way. As valuable as a gym membership can be to your well-being, I think it's important to have a sense of humor about how ridiculous the whole notion really is. 

As a culture we've taken on an interesting relationship with being "healthy" and working out. Going to the gym and adhering to special diets has, at times, become something people like to pat themselves on the back about, almost as if it makes them feel pious or special. "Oh, I worked out today so I'm a good person. I go running 5 times a week and I wake up at 6am every day to hit the weight machines - how many people can say that? It's almost as good as giving to charity. I'm an ethical, moral person who can control her schedule, mindset, and habits. I spend my time doing something good for me that is enviable and pious. I am exercise."

Good for you. Congratulations. Being healthy and fit is wonderful.

So...do you want a medal? 

Last fall, when I quit my desk job to pursue work I'm passionate about, I canceled my gym membership to save money. For the first time in over 7 years, I wasn't working out in a formal exercise facility every week. Would I get fat? Lose muscle tone? Was this a mistake? I was nervous, for sure. 

But now, after almost eight months of being gym free, I honestly don't miss it. I go for jogs outside, I do yoga in my living room. Yes, I probably exercise, on average, less than I used to. And sure, every once in a while I'll long for the structure that 45 minutes on the elliptical might bring into my life. And no, I haven't sworn off owning a gym membership forever. 

For now though, I'm enjoying finding other ways to spend my time that feel more generous to my body and spirit than clamoring onto the ab machine to punish my midsection for the ice cream cone I enjoyed last night. 

Our fitness obsessed culture sometimes forgets that there are other, more important aspects to life - yeah, I said it - than a hardcore workout. There's nothing wrong with going to the gym. There's also nothing wrong with NOT going to the gym. 

Here are 3 Reasons to Skip the Gym and put the focus back on taking good, loving care of yourself and your body without the sweaty rubber mats and stinky locker rooms. 

1. Sleep. They don't know exactly why and they don't know exactly how, but scientists believe that sleep can be just as important for our bodies, if not more so, than exercise. Skipping sleep can cause heart problems and even weight gain. We are animals first, and we find ourselves automatically needing to replenish, rejuvenate, and rewire once every 16 hours or so. 

As it's one of our most basic survival functions, choosing sleep over waking up early to hit the treadmill can be a smart move, especially if you haven't slept enough. If you're tired, for God-sake, sleep! And if you have the option to sleep until you're done, take it. It's a great thing to wake up early, get your day going and feel productive. But conversely, sleeping in or napping does not make you bad person. You are responding to your basic human instinct. There's nothing more natural and organic than that. 

2. Enjoy your friends. I'm just as guilty of it as the next almost-30-something: I tweet and Facebook and check my Gmail all day long. For better or worse, that stuff has become a way of life for many people. But if we forget to genuinely connect with the people behind those profiles and screen names, we're missing out on one of the best ways to care for ourselves. 

"Tend and befriend" is a phrase used to describe a basic biological instinct exhibited by humans and other animals. It's the opposite of "fight or flight," the other means we use to instinctually cope with stress. Tending and befriending means that we seek out the safety of our social communities to protect ourselves and our offspring, and to mutually defend one another in times of stress or threat. In short, having good friends is a biological requirement! 

Women, studies have shown, often respond to stress by utilizing the tend and befriend instinct even more so than men do. We reach out to the people around us and pull them in close when we feel duress. Of course, the threats we encounter today are much different from those that our ancestors experienced, but the instincts function the same way. Looking to friends and loved ones to communicate, laugh (it burns calories and boosts your immune system!), vent and share is essential to our well being and mental health. Don't underestimate the power of a good gab session with your girlfriends. Chill the heck out and have a margarita while you're at it. 

3. INDULGE. When people ask me how I was able to lose 115 pounds and keep it off my response is always the same: I ate what I wanted. It's true. I ate the foods I craved, tried to include some fruits and veggies when possible, and kept my portions under control. I was ultimately able to change my lifestyle from one of an obese person to one of a healthy person because I allowed myself to indulge when I needed to. 

When we restrict ourselves - whether with food or in other ways (a strict exercise schedule, a heinous to-do list...) - we increase our odds of rebelling against the structure we've put in place. Everyone is different, of course, and some people respond to rules differently than others, but regardless of your personality type, listening to your body's desires, cravings, and moods is one of the most important self-care skills you can develop. 

Want a cookie even though you're only "supposed" to snack on carrots tonight? Eat a cookie. Please. Wish you could skip work for a night and go to that summer concert everyone's got tickets to? Do it! Want to go to the beach even though cleaning the house is on the list? Slap on some sunblock and get out there! 

Life is short. There is no reason to avoid moderate indulgences that make you feel good, make you smile, bring you even momentary joy. If going to the gym makes you feel good, great! And if that's really how you want to spend your time tonight, by all means, go get it. 

But if it sounds more appealing to take a walk, go for a bike ride, eat a big plate of pasta, buy a new dress, go to the movies, take a dancing lesson - you get the idea - then, live it up. Indulge in what makes you feel good. 

When you're old and gray and looking back over your life, I imagine you will remember the time you spent with the people you love, the accomplishments you achieved that made you beam, the meals you ate that made you swoon, the trips you took that inspired or relaxed you. 

You will not - I repeat - you will NOT remember all the evenings you spent in the gym. 



 Jen Curran is a writer, comedienne, and baker living in Brooklyn, NY. Jen recently quit her "boring desk job" at a law firm to pursue what makes her happiest, and she chronicles the inspiring, messy, colorful journey on her popular blog "follow my bliss." Besides spending her time as a freelance writer, Jen also owns the boutique wholesale bakery, Fanny & Jane, she's a member of the award-winning sketch comedy group, Harvard Sailing Team, and she performs improv comedy at The PIT in NYC. She draws inspiration from her two zen cats, her talented, supportive boyfriend, her big, boisterous family, and from a sincere belief that anything we put our minds to becomes instantly possible.

Guest Post: Self-Love Advice from a Former Fat Girl

We are thrilled thrilled thrilled to welcome our first weekly contributor to Spring, Jen Curran (bio after the post)! We'll have a new post from Jen each & every Monday in July, which thrills us to no end as she's amazeballs in super many ways. We're also thrilled thrilled thrilled that this post jumps off the theme of self-care for July, in which we'll have new content each & every weekday through the end of the month. I know - our heads exploded, too (never mind how we're posting this now). If you want to be a contributor of Spring, whether it's with an article, a video, and/or artwork, let us know - we'd love to have you!

I used to be 115 pounds heavier than I am today.

 

A couple years of therapy, portion control and exercise eventually helped me lose the weight. But the scars of having been an obese young woman took much longer to mend.

 

I remember a conversation with my therapist early on in my weight loss journey. I was happy that the weight was coming off, grateful to be on my way to a healthier reality and thrilled to have finally retired my size 24 jeans.

 

But I told her I couldn't let go of one thing: I knew my body would never be perfect, not even close. I knew I'd always have stretch marks and odd curves and bumpy places. No matter how much weight I lost, I could never erase the damage I'd already done. I told her I was obsessed with the fact that I'd never know what it was like to be a hot, skinny 20-year-old in a tiny bikini, strutting around on the beach without a second thought. Instead, my early 20s were tempered with visits to Weight Watchers meetings, finding ways to cover up my still-big thighs, and wondering if I'd ever have an occasion to utter a phrase like "my boyfriend." It wasn't fair and I hated it.

 

"You need to mourn the idea of being perfect," my therapist told me when I confessed my secret to her. "You need to mourn the image of that perfect girl with a perfect body. What does that mean anyway? You're beautiful exactly as you are."

 

I was so struck by that. I instantly understood. And I couldn't believe I hadn't recognized it before. Rather than continuing to wish and hope and pray that I'd someday have a perfect body, I needed to get real with myself. I needed to mourn that dream. More importantly, I needed to find out what I could be instead, to learn how to feel beautiful exactly as I was.

 

It turns out that making a subtle but generous shift in how I regarded my self and my body made all the difference in the world.

 

What do I, a former fat girl, know about self care and self love? I know that it's the single most important gift you can give yourself.

 

So often we as women profess to believe that self love is essential to our well-being. But then many of us also have a tendency to turn right around and hate on our bodies, glare at the scale willing it to budge, grab fistfuls of our soft bellies and curse the day someone invented the mini skirt. We complain to each other about gaining five pounds, how we feel fat, how our metabolism has slowed down. We promise each other we're "starting fresh" with the diet tomorrow.

 

That kind of unrealistic obsession with our imperfections has got to stop. Despising our flaws takes something away from who we really are. It undermines what makes us unique. And that's not good enough.

 

Almost 10 years after I began my weight loss journey, I'm much thinner, but I'm still not a stick thin swimsuit model. I still have to watch what I eat, exercise, skip the french fries and take the stairs. Exactly as I predicted, I still have stretch marks and curves and bumps in interesting places. I can't just walk into any store and pluck any dress off the wrack. And I accept it all.

 

Because not having known what it's like to be a hot model-type chick has provided me with some of the strongest pieces of my personality. It helped fuel my sense of humor, upon which I'm able to build my career today. It helped me pick an enviably amazing man with whom to spend my life, someone who loves me for the right reasons. It helped me to understand early on what's really important in life, what to worry about when you wake up in the morning and what to let fall to the wayside. It taught me to be strong and independent.

 

Best of all, being an ugly duckling taught me to love myself enough to make my own luck, and to believe that I deserve to have whatever I want, as long as I'm not striving to be perfect.

 

I'm a woman. A "normal," happy, healthy woman. My relationship with my body today is one based on forgiveness and awe. I'm not a magazine photo. Most of us aren't. Thank God. Let's celebrate it.

 Jen Curran is a writer, comedienne, and baker living in Brooklyn, NY. Jen recently quit her "boring desk job" at a law firm to pursue what makes her happiest, and she chronicles the inspiring, messy, colorful journey on her popular blog "follow my bliss." Besides spending her time as a freelance writer, Jen also owns the boutique wholesale bakery, Fanny & Jane, she's a member of the award-winning sketch comedy group, Harvard Sailing Team, and she performs improv comedy at The PIT in NYC. She draws inspiration from her two zen cats, her talented, supportive boyfriend, her big, boisterous family, and from a sincere belief that anything we put our minds to becomes instantly possible.